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Domestic violence
may consist of threats, punches, kicks or sexual force. The abuse
can range from verbal harassment to stabbing and shooting. Domestic
violence is a serious matter. It HAS often ended in death or permanent
physical injury.
Perhaps you are one
of the many people looking for a way out. Or perhaps you grew up
in an abusive home. Or just the idea of any person being physically
harmed by someone who claims to 'love' them infuriates you.
For any of these reasons, you want to make it - domestic violence
- stop.
- A woman is raped, stabbed or beaten every six seconds.
- In England and Wales two women are murdered each week through
domestic violence.
- One in four UK women will become domestic violence victims at
some point in their lives.
- In 4% of reported domestic violence the victim is male.
- One in nine is experiencing domestic violence NOW.
- Domestic violence first begins during pregnancy in 30% of cases.
- Statistics suggest that world-wide, 52 per cent of women have
been assaulted by a partner at some point in their lives.
- The world health organisation claims that, worldwide, violence
causes as many deaths among women as traffic accidents, malaria
and cancer put together.
- According to a recent survey UK police forces receive more than
1,300 domestic violence related calls every day - that's more
than 570,000 each year.
- In 2000, the Women's Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline
took 35,000 calls from abused women. In the first six months of
2001 the number of calls to this helpline was 32,600, roughly
double the figure for 2000.
- Most of the victims of domestic violence does not open their heart
and talk about the problems they have in their homes, or try to
find solutions BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
What is domestic abuse?
There are many forms
of domestic abuse, ranging from screaming threats to pushing and
shoving. Contrary to what many think, abuse isn't just physical
battering.
Domestic abuse may include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual
abuse, using children, threats, using male privilege, intimidation,
isolation and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear,
intimidation and power. In all cultures, the perpetrators are most
commonly the men of the family.
Nearly one in three
adult women experiences at least one physical assault by a partner
during adulthood.
Domestic abuse does
not discriminate against race, age and socio-economic background.
No specific type of person is more prone to being battered by their
partner, nor is any particular type of person completely safe from abuse.
What Victims of Domestic
Violence Need to Know
- The abuse is not your fault
- You don't deserve to be abused
- You can't change someone who is abusive
- Staying in the relationship won't stop the abuse
- With time the abuse always gets worse
- If you stay, make a plan to keep yourself safe
when the abuse happens again
- You CAN Fight Back!
Signs of Domestic
Abuse
Acts of domestic violence
generally fall into one or more of these categories:
- Physical battering -- The abuser's physical attacks or aggressive
behavior can range from bruising to murder.
- Sexual abuse -- Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied
by or culminates in, sexual violence.
- Psychological battering -- The abuser's psychological or mental
violence can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive
possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, and
depriving her of food, money, clothes, and destroying her personal
property.
If you have been
assaulted, you can report it to the police
Domestic assault is
a criminal offence. There are three types of assault:
- Simple assault (most common assault). Examples are slapping,
pushing or shoving, punching or threatening that he or she will
harm you or your children.
- Assault causing bodily harm. An example is an assault where
you get a black eye or bruises.
- Grievous Bodily Harm is an assault where your life is endangered
or you are wounded, maimed or disfigured. Examples are where the
offender threatens to kill you or where your injuries from the
assault leave you with scars.
Warning signs of
an Abusive Relationship
- Are you frightened of your partner's temper?
- Are you often compliant because you are afraid to hurt your
partner's feelings or are afraid of your partner's anger?
- Do you have the urge to "rescue" your partner when
your partner is in trouble?
- Do you find yourself apologising to others for your partner's
behaviour when you are treated badly?
- Have you been hit, kicked, shoved, or had things thrown at you
by your partner when he was jealous or angry?
- Do you make decisions about activities and friends according
to what your partner wants or how your partner will react?
- Do you drink or use drugs to dull the pain or join your partner
so he won't get mad?
- Do you consent easily to your partner to avoid angering him?
What are some of
the warning signs?
- They are extremely jealous.
- Wants to know where you are at all times.
- Gets upset if you spend time with friends or family.
- Holds rigid expectations of male/female or adult/child role.
- They expect you to meet their emotional needs.
- Blames others and you for their problems.
- Threatens you with violence.
- There may be many other warning signs.
Do
something before it's too late!
In your contact with
any family member, the following observations should be considered
clues to the possibility of domestic assault.
- A history of assault or child abuse in their family of origin.
- A suspicion of child abuse or sexual abuse in his role as a
father.
- Abuse of drugs or alcohol.
- A history of suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts.
Such characteristics as:
- Impulsiveness
- Temper tantrums
- Jealousy
- Possessiveness
- Excessive dependence on their partner
- Immaturity
What do we know about
abusers?
- They try to isolate victims from family and friends
- They minimise and deny their behaviour
- They veil power and control over others
- They blame victims
- They distrust others
- They often have been victims or witnessed abuse
- They usually have low self-esteem
- They are not in touch with their own feelings
Preparing to Leave
- Keep evidence of abuse (i.e., pictures, police reports, etc.)
in a safe place that is accessible to you.
- Know where you can go to get help; tell someone you trust what
is happening to you.
- If you are injured, go to a doctor or emergency room and report
what happened to you.
- Make sure that they record your visit.
- Make sure that your children know that it is their job to stay
safe, not protect you.
- Keep a journal of all violent incidences.
- Start an individual savings account and have statements sent
to a trusted friend. Acquire job skills.
- If you must sneak away, leave extra money, extra car keys, important
papers, and extra set of clothes for yourself and children with
a trusted friend (avoid family members and mutual friends who
may be influenced by the abuser). Include a list of important
numbers (insurance numbers, driver's license, medication, chequebook,
credit card numbers, etc.)
Getting Out:
What to do when leaving
an abusive relationship?
If you are contemplating
leaving an abusive relationship, there are some things you should
do that may assist you in the process of leaving:
- Make a safety plan
- Write down Contact Places in the community for support
- Assess your safety and that of your children
- Contact a shelter for a safe place to stay
- Seek interim custody
- Seek a support system from family, friends and advocates
- Be prepared, it helps you in a case of emergency.
- Make an Escape Plan
- Make sure you have important documents
- Save money in secret when you can
- Keep extra keys and clothes with friends
- Plan out all possible escape routes - doors, first floor
windows, elevators, stairwells and rehearse escape routes
with your children
- Arrange a safe place to go such as a friend or relative
who
will offer unconditional support - or a motel, hotel, or shelter
- Memorise the telephone number of a domestic violence shelter
or support agency
- Secure transportation
- Work out a signal system with a friend or other family
members so that they know you are in danger
- Go when he is gone
- Don't tell him you are leaving
- Create an excuse to slip away
- Avoid arguments in areas with potential weapons such as
the
kitchen, garage, or in small spaces without escape routes.
- When leaving your home, be aware. Your spouse may try to
hurt you to stop you escaping.
What can you do if
you have been abused?
- You can, and you should talk to someone about the abuse.
- You can tell a family member, a friend, or your doctor
- You can also talk to a support group in your community.
- Women's centres and legal aid offices may be able to tell you
of other services which offer help.
You can get medical
help
- If you have been hurt you can go to your doctor or to the Emergency
Department at a hospital.
- If your injuries are visible you can have pictures taken. They
can be used in court should you decide to lay assault charges.
- There are special medical and police procedures for sexual assault
cases.
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Further
Information and Help
Locally
Calderdale Women's Centre
23 Silver Street
Halifax
HX1 1JN
Tel: 01422 323339
Description:
Information support, training & learning opportunities for any
women. Free counselling service, legal clinic, domestic violence
support, volunteer training.
Click
for a map
Star Project (Surviving Trauma After Rape)
14 Laburnum Road
Wakefield
Description:
A free and confidential support service for adult women and men
who have been raped or sexually assaulted ,offering counselling,
emotional and practical support in various locations throughout
West Yorkshire
Click
for a map
Relate (Relationship
Counselling)
Pennine Relate
38 Clare Road
Halifax
HX1 2HX
Tel: (01422) 363845
Description (from
their website):
"Relate is about relationships, all kinds of relationships.
Whether you are having problems getting on with your partner, your
kids, your siblings or even your boss – Relate can help."
Click
for a map
Domestic Violence
Support Project Halifax
5/6 Park Road, Halifax
West Yorkshire.
Tel: 01422 323339 (Office hours only)
Description:
A confidential and non-judgemental service provided by trained workers
and volunteers, for any woman living in the Calderdale area; Support
is available in groups, individually by appointment or by telephone;
Advocacy and court accompaniment is also available.
Click
for a map
Calderdale Women's
Aid
PO Box 6
Halifax
Telephone 01422 351498
for details.
(Advice Line) (Office)
(Out of Hours)
Fax: 01422 381587
Description:
We offer emergency temporary accommodation to women & children
fleeing domestic violence. Our support package includes; structured
play sessions, link working and accessing other statutory &
voluntary agencies.
Help, support and refuge for women and their children who experience
physical, sexual or emotional violence at home.
Nationally
Survivors UK Ltd.
Tel: 0845 1221201 (Tuesday & Thursday 7pm-10pm)
www.survivorsuk.org.uk
Description:
"Survivors UK supports and provides resources for men who have
experienced any form of sexual violence"
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